i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
