At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I look better un-naked...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
