I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
soo... how was my night?
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