and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
