After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
