Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
