just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
