I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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