god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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