guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
