My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You are the jesus of drinking
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
