"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
