I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
