god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
