That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Randomize
