Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
