he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Fuck appropriateness.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You're a waste of cheezeits
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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