I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
