accomplished twins. life is a go
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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