i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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