we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
