i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
