he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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