Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
