my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
