im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
