A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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