the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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