Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
