I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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