i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
