His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
