I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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