Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
