I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
