My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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