You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Terrible idea I love it
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
