Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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