Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
