Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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