Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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