i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
