omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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