Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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