I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
