So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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