so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
