hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize
