did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
that is very illegal...i love you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
