Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
