yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
