We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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