I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
